Safe Haven
by LauraEve24
Summary: Gibbs has been helping Ziva deal with the aftermath of Somalia. Their time spent together leads to feelings neither one was prepared for -Zibbs
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay so this is my first fanfic ever not to mention the first story I have ever written. Oh and a big thanks to Zivacentric for encouraging me to post this. I can only hope my story is half as good as the stuff she writes. If you haven't read it yet look her up and read her stuff. It is amazing. Oh and I am sure I don't need to say this but just in case someone thinks otherwise I don't own NCIS or any of its characters. I am sure if I did I wouldn't be on this site writing but in an office at CBS..lol.

Chapter 1

Quietly, she tried to approach the house. It was late or early morning depending on how you looked at it and there was no sound on the street except her footsteps on the walkway heading to the front door. She reached for the door handle without a second thought and opened the door. Regardless of the time she knew the door would be unlocked. She couldn't remember a time when it hadn't been. She stepped from the entry way into the dimly lit living room. As she stood there silently she inhaled deeply letting the smells of the house and the man that lived there to wash over her in a slow gradual wave. As a combination of wood, coffee and bourbon did a slow mingling dance with her senses she felt her pulse slowly settling. The tension in her muscles still lingered and she was still slightly shaky but she knew that would subside too once she saw him. She hadn't intended to come here tonight. Truth be told, she didn't want to come here but her instincts to feel safe took over and before she knew it she was in her car driving across town to his house. She had sat in the car for almost half an hour fighting with herself to stay in the car and to just drive back home. But she couldn't. The longer she sat there the nightmare that woke her from her sleep was becoming more alive and powerful in the front of her mind. The visions of the cell, of his face, of the pain kept coming to her one right after another like a boxer setting up for the knockout punch. She closed her eyes but that just made it worse. She could see him more clearly. She was sure if she reached out she would be able to feel him. His stench filled the car; she could feel the cool blade of his knife pressed against her neck as he whispered in her ear how he planned on killing her. She snapped her eyes open and got out of the car.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Okay guys, no new content just fixed the format a bit per your requests.

Chapter Two

She wandered slowly around the living room running her hands along the couch and then the bookshelf looking for a clue as to why she always felt the safest and at peace here. As she examined the contents of the living room she knew the reason had nothing to do with the house or the stuff in it. It was his presence that brought the feeling of safety to her. She hadn't even seen him yet but knowing he was close had already had such a calming effect on her. If she was completely honest with herself she would admit that he was the only one that had ever made her feel that way and he was the only one that ever would.

She angrily shook her head. How had this happened? How had she let him into that tightly guarded place that no one was allowed access to? Not only had he found a way in but he had taken up permanent residence there and it scared her just to think about it. But she wasn't sure what scared her more at this point. That he had found a way in without even trying or that one day he may not be there. A tear lingered in the corner of her eye at that last thought and then she angrily wiped it away and turned to walk back out of the house. She couldn't do this. She needed to regain control of herself. He was off limits. He was her boss, her superior, he was…well, to plainly put it he was GIBBS!

She made it as far as the front door when her dream came rushing back with a vengeance. She shuddered and stood there frozen. She knew what would happen if she left. She would be up the rest of the night being tortured by the flashbacks. She sighed. All she wanted was a few hours of relief. This was a war she had been fighting for quite a while now. At this point she wasn't sure what was worse. The physical torture she endured or the mental/emotional torture she was left with. Somehow she sensed this was worse. The bruises, the cuts, the broken bones had healed without any lingering effects with time but this was a new pain that didn't seem to be getting any better. She slowly took her hand off the doorknob and turned and made her way to where she knew she would find him at this hour. Her desire for relief was stronger at this point than her fear of exposing more of herself to him.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay guys, no new content just an update to the formatting of this chapter. Hope this makes it easier to read. Thanks again for all who took the time to review and provide input. Chapter 4 will hopefully be up by the end of this weekend. If not then let me wish you all an early Happy New Year.

Chapter Three

Gibbs had been doing his best to put the details and pressure of the latest case behind him. With every long and deliberate stroke of his sander he felt a little more of the tension that had built up over the past couple of weeks start to release. Working with his hands, has always provided him relief and tonight was no exception. He had been at it for several hours now and he knew that his muscles would be sore the next day but the quiet solitude of his basement beckoned him to keep going.

His basement seemed to provide a temporary escape from the evils of the world above. He knew pain and despair to a deeper depth than most. He had experienced more death, pain and loss then he would dare wish on anyone. Consequently very few people understood him because very few people could relate to what he had seen, where he had been and what he had lived through. Truth be told, he can think of only one other person that had seen and experienced as much lose and pain as he has.

He sensed her before he even heard or saw her. He wasn't sure how he did it. Maybe it was from his training or maybe it was some sort of ability his life's circumstances forced him to tap into for mere survival. Whatever it was he just called it his gut and up to this point it has never failed him.

He was use to his team members stopping by at all hours of the night. He left his door open for that very reason. There isn't a member on his team that hasn't frequented his basement late at night from time to time but Ziva has always been his most consistent visitor and since finding her in Somalia she had become as much a permanent fixture in his basement as he was.

As he waited for her to appear on the landing above his work area he wondered what the dream had been tonight. Whatever it had been he was certain it had been really bad since she was here. She is not one to easily show vulnerability and admit her need for comfort. Her training etched it so deeply into her that emotions, especially fear, is a sign of weakness and weakness will only get you killed.

He knew the battle that was waging in her mind upstairs. The need for comfort comes with a high price, the willingness to let yourself become exposed and unguarded. He knew it too well. He constantly fought the same battle. He shook his head as he thought about how similar they were. His team has always been a close one. He loves and cares deeply for each one of his agents but even though Ziva was the last to join the team and has been with him the least amount of time the bond they share is deeper, stronger and more complicated then the bond he shares with the rest. Hell, how could it not be he thinks, she killed her own brother to save my life.

Ziva has always been seen as a tough, ruthless trained assassin but he knows better and that is why he has always been more protective of her then the rest. He saw firsthand as she sobbed over her brother the night she killed him, as pain flashes across her face whenever thoughts of her childhood or lost loved ones come to mind. He knows that pain and feeling of loss well and that is why they have always understood each other and what the other needs. They know when to push and when to back off and that is why tonight he decided it was better not to go up stairs and check on her. He knows that if she comes down she is willing to open up and except his help. If she doesn't then he knows its best not to push her and to let her figure things out on her own. Besides he is grateful for the few moments she is giving him to steady and prepare himself for being in such close proximity to her. At work it's easy, there are a ton of things to keep him preoccupied, but here alone in his basement with her can at times be almost too much to handle. He has known for a while now that he is in love with her. Regardless of how many times he has given himself a mental head smack and tried to convince himself that there was no way Ziva would ever feel the same about him he just can't seem to get her out of his mind. Besides even if by some miracle of God she did feel the same there was Rule #12 which he was sure was a good rule even if he could never seem to remember why when she was around.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thank you everyone for all your wonderful reviews and suggestions. I am blown away and humbled by how many of you have chosen to follow my story. This chapter is really short but I am almost done with the next and I promise the next few will be longer. A big THANK YOU to Zivacentric for your help and continued encouragement. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and that everyone has a very happy and safe New Years Eve.

Chapter 4

Ziva stepped onto the landing making eye contact with him as he looked up at her. Her face was expressionless but her eyes told him all he needed to know. They were the one thing they both knew she couldn't disguise, at least not with him and at the moment they revealed the intense inner fight she was having with her self.

Not saying a word, she broke eye contact and slowly turned and started to make her way down the stairs. As she descended each step one at a time, Gibbs was almost certain she was going to turn around and leave. This was something new to him and he was growing more and more uneasy as he watched her. True, she had always struggled with opening up and seeking comfort, but he had never seen her struggle this much before, at least not with him and it was making his gut uneasy. She had been keeping her distance lately, that much he was sure of. It had been over a month since she had last been in his basement and he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more driving her to stay away then just her desire to not want to open up. He didn't have a clue as to what it was and not knowing was wearing on his mind.

When she reached the bottom, Gibbs cleared some of his tools off the chair by his workbench to make a place for her to sit. As she passed him he handed her his unfinished beer. Her fingers brushed his as she took it. He inwardly flinched at the unexpected touch, but didn't allow it to show outwardly. He picked up his tools and continued working.

He finally broke the silence a while later when he asked, "Want to talk about it?"

She silently shook her head as the first tear rolled down her cheek. That one tear however spoke volumes to him. It said more than a night spent talking could of. He put his tools back down, wiped his hands on his jeans and made his way over to her.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hey guys, sorry it has taken me awhile to get this chapter up. It has been done for a few days now but I have just been so busy with work and other things I just haven't had the time to post it. A big hug for Zivacentric for her help as always. I am working on the next chapter but I am thinking it won't be up until next weekend. Thank you to all who have posted reviews. I am slowly writing you all back. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Chapter 5

The minute she stepped on the landing and saw him, the tension that had wound so tightly throughout her body from her dream immediately started to unravel. As she stood there looking at him and soaking in the feeling of security that only he could provide her, she found her emotions in total chaos. On one hand, her heart and body ached to be near him, but on the other hand, her mind was screaming for her to run. Her mind kept telling her that he had gotten too close and he would end up hurting her just like all the others had, but at that moment, the longing of her heart, the desire to be near him, to feel safe, was stronger.

She turned and started down the stairs. Every step was a battle of wills between her heart and her mind, but when she reached the bottom step she knew her heart had won, well at least for tonight. As she made her way across the room, she soaked in the feeling of his presence. She felt her stomach tighten when her fingers accidently brushed his as she took the unfinished beer he offered her.

She sat silently watching him work, replaying the details of her dream, feeding off his quiet strength to deal with the memories and feelings the dream had awakened in her. Eventually though, she found that her thoughts drifted to the man working in front of her. As she watched him meticulously work on his boat, she wondered how he did it. How could he affect her so strongly? Despite the months of pain and torture at the hands of some of the most vile men she had ever come in contact with, how could this man make her feel so safe by his mere being?

Ziva was snapped out of her thoughts when the sound of his voice broke the silence.

" Want to talk about it?"

She stared at the concrete floor trying to find the right words to express why she had come tonight, but the words were lodged in her throat. She wanted so desperately tell him everything, every last detail of the hurt and pain, but she just couldn't bring herself to. It scared her too much to feel this way about him.

She knew he would never look down on her for it, unlike her father and the other men she had known throughout her life, but she still felt ashamed. She was supposed to be stronger then this, unbreakable. She had been taught early on that emotion was a sign of weakness. Besides, if she opened up to him now she wasn't sure she would be able to hold back how she really felt about him. She was sure the sheer force of all that she was feeling tonight would crumble whatever barriers she still had up and she wouldn't be able to stop herself. She felt the tears start to pool up in her eyes and she could only manage a slight shake of the head before she felt the first one spill over onto her cheek.

She fixed her gaze even more steadily on the ground trying desperately to reign in the tears and regain her composure. Before she knew it, Gibbs was standing in front of her. She tried her best to avoid his gaze for along as she could, but then he gently lifted her head with his finger and captured her gaze with warm, loving, deep blue eyes.

She had become accustomed at work to seeing nothing but his piercing crystal blue eyes that made even the hardest of suspects crack under their glare. Even though over the past few months she had found herself looking into these eyes more and more, she still found it shocking how they could go from one extreme to the other and cause her heart to skip a beat and her breath to temporarily lodge in her chest when they did. They were not burning cool with anger and disgust, but they were warm and gentle, filled with nothing but care. It was these eyes that started to burn away at the wall she had built up around her so many years ago, and it was with these eyes that he had finally broke through right into her heart.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hey guys, sorry for such a long lapse of time between the last chapter and this one. I have extremely busy with some other stuff and truth be told I kind of lost my desire to write the last month or so, but hang in there I am just about done with the rest of the story. It just needs a second pair of eyes and then I will have it up for you all. Thanks again for hanging in there with me. Oh and of course thanks to Zivacentric as always for your help.

Chapter 6

He gently looked at her as tears silently fell down her cheeks. It broke his heart to see her like this. He was able to find some satisfaction in knowing Saleem was dead, but he had always regretted that the bastard didn't suffer any. His death had been quick and painless. He was dead before he even knew what had hit him.

He slowly reached up and cupped her face with one of his hands, and captured her gaze. He gently stroked her cheek with his thumb, wiping away her tears. He wanted nothing more than to take this all away from her, but he knew there was nothing he could do but offer himself to her, to be a safe and protected place for her to find comfort in.

"Ziver," he said so quietly she almost didn't hear him.

"Don't bury it. Talk to me, please," he continued quietly.

Still stroking her cheek he stepped back and bent slightly so that he was eye level with her.

"You need to let it out. I know it's hard to go there, to allow yourself to feel and talk about the unspeakable things he did to you, but you are safe here," he reassured her. "I'm here and I told you I will never let anything like that happened to you again."

He paused as he felt his emotions start to get the best of him. He could feel his voice grow heavy with emotion as he fought back his own tears and the guilt that ate at him every time he saw her like this. He felt the familiar demons from his past stirring inside him, the ones that never let him completely forgive himself for not being there to protect his family.

It was different this time though. He knew deep down that in some ways the decisions he had made as the team's leader were partly to blame for her pain. He wanted her know how sorry he was for whatever part he played in what happened to her.

"I'm sorry Ziva," he choked out as he gave life to the thoughts that up to this point, he had never been able to say out loud. "I never should have gotten on that plane without you. I should never have left you in Israel." He paused, trying to get his emotions under control. "I'll never forgive myself for the pain my decisions have caused you, but I promise as long as I'm still breathing, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."

Through tear-filled eyes, Ziva stared at him in disbelief. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Her heart broke even more at the thought that this man felt in some ways responsible for what happened to her. She wanted to grab him and tell him she is alive because of him. That what happened wasn't his fault. She had chosen to stay in her homeland with people who were her family by blood, but who, in reality, were no more family to her then a stranger on the street.

She had known even then, standing on that tarmac telling Gibbs that she didn't know who she could trust anymore, that they were her family. They were where she belonged, but her stubbornness and pride that she'd clung to that day had prevented her from saying otherwise.

Even more than that, all she wanted was to grab him and kiss him, to tell him she was in love with him. That it's taken everything she has in her to try to distance herself from him, because her need for him scared her more than any night terror ever could. But the tears just kept flowing, and she couldn't find the strength to give a voice to all her feelings. In desperation, she reached out for him and buried her head in his chest as the onslaught of conflicting emotions broke through the surface and her body shook as she sobbed.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Alright here is the next chapter. Part way through the chapter we are going to take a little trip down memory lane. Which I think will continue in the next few chapters. Hopefully it will start to fill in the holes and explain how in my little Zibbs world their feelings develop. As always thanks to Zivacentric, your input is invaluable. Hope you all enjoy. Oh and sorry Ziver69 no one is snapping just yet but maybe soon. **wink, wink**

Chapter 7

He stood there holding her as tightly as he could, not sure who he was trying to reassure more - her or himself - that she would be okay. It had been a while since she had last visited his basement, and if he were honest with himself he would admit that as much as it killed him to see her like this, a part of him missed being able to comfort her and hold her in his arms.

He looked down when he felt her trembling subside and he was sure the tears had finally stopped. He could clearly see the toll the night had taken on her. She looked so fragile and completely exhausted. He didn't think she would even have the energy to walk up the stairs. Gently kissing the top of her head, he took her arms from around his waist and wrapped them around his neck and then scooped her up in his arms. He carried her up the stairs, through the living room and up the second flight of stairs to his bedroom.

Gibbs entered the dimly moonlit bedroom and made his way to the bed. He pulled the covers back with one hand, and gently placed Ziva down on the bed. He brushed a few strands of her hair out of her face and pulled the covers over her. He kissed her forehead, and as he turned to make his way out of the room, Ziva reached out and grabbed his hand.

Gibbs tuned and looked back toward the bed, and as he did, Ziva slid over just enough to make room for him. He pulled back the covers and slid in next to her. She immediately snuggled up close to him, laying her head on his chest and wrapping her arm around his waist. As Gibbs lay there holding Ziva, gently caressing her back, he couldn't help but think of all that had transpired over the past 4 months.

After the death of Shannon and Kelly, Gibbs hardly ever used the upstairs bedrooms. He resigned himself to just living on the first floor and the basement. The nights he actually tried to sleep he preferred to lie on the couch instead of going upstairs to sleep in the bedroom.

He brought Ziva home with him her first night home from Samolia. Knowing she no longer had an apartment, and not wanting to let her out of his sight for even one second, there was never a question as to where she would stay. In his desire to make her as comfortable as possible, he took her upstairs and let her sleep in his room. It was the first time he had spent any significant time in there, in years.

He had intended to sit in the chair by the bed that first night to keep watch over her all night long. However, after the first set of night terrors ripped through her sleep and she had woken up in a hysterical panic, he crawled into bed with her and held her tightly as she cried herself back to sleep. That night as he laid on the bed holding her, and she snuggled as close to him as she could possible get, he knew he was in trouble.

Over the years, being in that room had always brought back the memories of Shannon, and that is why he avoided it as much as possible. The memories were just too painful. The loss cut too deep for him to bear.

That night however, Ziva had been all that mattered to him. All he could think about. As he laid there listening to her whimper and moan in her sleep, he knew that she had done the one thing no other women had managed to do. Not even any of his ex wives. She had somehow made him see past his pain and hurt.

She had needed him so desperately that the normal guilt and pain that would normally overtake him was drowned out by his concern for her. He knew that there would never be another Shannon, but as he'd gently stroked her back and thought about how close not only the team had come, but how close he had come to losing her, a feeling crept over him that there never would be another Ziva either. As that thought slowly settled over him and what the implications of admitting that could mean, he'd felt the vise that had had a death grip on his heart since he had lost his family finally start to loosen.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey guys, thank for stilling hanging in there with me. Here is the next chapter. Just a warning, it didn't go through my normal edit process but I wanted to hurry and get it up before the end of the weekend, since I will be MIA for the next couple of weeks. I am just about done with the next chapter, Ch 9, so my goal is to have that up today as well. If I can I will try my hardest to post the final chapter to this story by next weekend just so you don't have to wait 3 weeks for it. Anyway, like I said, sorry if there is a bunch of grammatical errors…I did my best to edit it on my own but since I am horrible at grammar no promises. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 8

Ziva whimpered and started to restlessly stir in Gibbs' arms, breaking his train of thought and bringing him back to the present. He tightened his hold on her and attempted to pull her even closer to him, if that was at all possible. He gently caressed her hair, and spoke softly in her ear. It was enough to cause Ziva to settle. He could feel her muscles, that had been strained with tension a few minutes ago, relax and her body give way once again to exhaustion. As Ziva's breathing became heavy with sleep, Gibbs found his mind wondering again over the past several months.

It had taken several days for him to set up the guest room for her. He had needed to clean it out, give it a fresh coat of paint, as well as pick up some new bedding for the spare bed. He had also enlisted Abbys help to pick up some clothes for her, since at the moment she was forced to ware a pair of his sweats and a t-shirt.

He had wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible and that she felt like she had some privacy and a space of her own. He had known she would need time to adjust to being back. There were the obvious physical injuries she had needed to heal from, as well as the emotional ones, and he wanted her to know that he was in no hurry for her to leave. He had come so close to losing her, but then like some miracle from God here she was, all beaten and bruised and barely able to stand, but she was alive and that meant everything to him. Especially after all he had already lost with the deaths of Shannon, Kelly, Kate, and Jenny.

He had made the decision that once Ziva moved into the guest room he would continue to sleep upstairs, just in case she needed him during the night. It was a decision that he was glad he made since, somewhat to his surprise, Ziva seemed to always end up in his bed. Every night she would start off in the guest room, but as soon as the first set of night terrors hit, he'd awaken to find her standing next to his bed shaking and covered in cold sweats, try to suppress her sobs.

He'd pull back the covers just enough, and she'd crawl into his bed and into the comfort of his arms. He'd try his best to sooth her pain and fears by reassuring her she was safe. She'd cling so tightly to him, almost as if she was afraid this was all a dream.

Night after night he would lay there with her in his arms, gently rubbing her back, whispering comforting things in her ear as his shirt became damp with her tears, until finally exhaustion would overcome her and she would fall asleep. The night terrors became so frequent, that the act of her going to the guest room became obsolete, and she'd automatically go straight up to his room when she went to bed.

Over the last 15 years or so, the night had become his enemy. During the day he was able to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. It was during the stillness and quite of the night that he found, keeping his thoughts from drifting to the past had been damn near impossible. That was why he would always work until the early morning hours. Over time he had conditioned himself to function on just a couple of hours of sleep a night. He had learn all too well that when asleep your mind is free to roam as it wishes, and there is nothing you can do to stop it, and he preferred to keep his mind from wondering as much as he possibly could.

However, during the time Ziva had stayed with him, he had found himself starting to enjoy the evenings again. Knowing Ziva would be there when he got home prompted him to call it a day earlier then he normally would of. He enjoyed the time he got to spend with her. He even started to sleep more than a couple of hours a night.

He never could fully understand why he had been given the privilege of being the one Ziva trusted enough to open up to, but he knew it was just that, a privilege that was not to be taken lightly. He knew they had a special bond but he still didn't understand, why of all people, she allowed him to hold her every night, and to be allowed a glimpse into her well-guarded spaces.

That was why, when Ziva finally moved out, he hadn't been surprised his all night work pattern returned and his despise of the evening came back. He was back to catching a few hours of sleep on the couch and spending most of his time in the basement. He had tried to continue to sleep in his bed, but he found the memories of his first wife had now been replaced with memories of nights spent holding Ziva, comforting her and falling asleep to the soft rhythm of her breathing. After he had spent a few nights of lying in bed, silently cursing himself for allowing his feeling for her to get so out of control, he returned to sleeping in the living room.

Tonight though, he finds himself in that familiar place again. One he hasn't been in since Ziva moved out, and just for a few moments Gibbs allows himself to indulge in the feeling of her warm body pressed against his, the feel of her hand on his chest, the soft fragrance of her shampoo that was dancing around him being carried by the slight breeze coming through the open window. He sighs deeply knowing that it's getting harder for him to mask his feelings, and he isn't sure how much longer he will be able to hide them from her. The allure of sleep starts to over take him as he contemplates what to do next.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Wow this is the longest chapter to date. I debated on splitting it up into two chapters but in the end decided to give it to you all at once. The majority is a flashback from Ziva's point of view of all that has happened leading up to her coming back over to Gibbs. I have added a small break and "Flash back" to help set it apart so it doesn't confuse you. Hope you enjoy it. Again sorry for any errors, I was trying to post this as soon as I could.

Chapter 9

The early morning sunlight cast a warm glow throughout the bedroom as Ziva slowly opened her eyes. A small smile crept across her face as the familiar surroundings of Gibbs' bedroom started to come into focus, and she became fully conscious of the man lying next to her. Her muscles were begging her to get up and stretch, as they were stiff and sore from lying in the same position for far too long, but her desire to savor the feeling of waking up in his arms kept her from moving. Wishing she could burn this moment into her memory, she tries her best to soak in the feel of his strong arms that are wrapped around her, the warmth of his body, the soft sounds of his breathing, the feel of his hand on a small section of her skin that is exposed on her hip, but most of all she desperately wants to cling to the feeling of strength and security that naturally radiates from him.

For as long as she can remember a part of her has always been drawn to his quite strength, and that feeling of security that he seems to naturally exude. Maybe that is why she wasn't surprised to find upon returning from the desert, she was most comforted by his presence, and it was definitely one of the things that had drawn her to his room night after night.

_Flash back_

As Saleem dragged her from her cell for the last time, some part of her knew she would never be going back to it. She was sure that the day had finally come that he was going to make good on his promise, and he was going to kill her.

When he threw her in the chair and she looked up to see Tony sitting there in front of her, she quickly concluded her mind was playing tricks on her. But then she realized McGee was there too and her mind just couldn't process it all fast enough. How had they found her? Why had they come? Was it just the two of them? Questions and doubt of what she was seeing swarmed her head. Yet they were there, and because of her they were most likely going to die too.

She had accepted her fate a long time ago. On some level she knew her choices and actions were to blame for her being captured, and for that she concluded she deserved to die. But they didn't. Fear gripped her as the thought that Saleem wouldn't just kill her, his final act of torture would be to make her watch while he killed them, her friends, no not her friends, her family.

Then just as quickly as the thought pass through her mind, there was a loud crack, glass shattered, and Saleem was dead. One shot to the head. Before she could even fully register what just happened, McGee and Tony were up and moving around the room. There was a second shot and one more of Saleems men hit the ground, and just like that they had her up and moving. She tried her best to stand on her own, but in the end, her legs were of no use. They were too weak to support her.

She was sure they would never make it out of there alive. Not all three of them at least. Especially not with them having to practically carry her out. She wanted to tell them to leave her and save themselves, but every time she tried to give voice to her thoughts no words came out. Gunshots echoed in the background, and shouts and yelling filled her ears as they made their way around the corner of the narrow corridor. As she looked up she saw him standing there at the end of the hall. He looked as if he had been formed straight out of a dream, a dream she had refused to allow herself to have all these months.

He was standing at the end of the hall, covered in his sniper gear, a ray of light filtering through the dirty window above him, illuminating him. For the first time in months Ziva felt a glimmer of hope spark inside her. As they made their way toward him she didn't dared to take her gaze off him, not even for a second. She was too scared to look away, for fear this all wasn't real.

Once arriving back in the US, the team was required stop at NCIS where she was told Ducky would do a complete medical check. Ziva complied knowing it was futile to try and resist. Besides, she trusted Ducky completely and she knew he would do his best to not make the process feel so invading.

Once the exam was complete Ducky escorted Ziva back up to the now empty squad room, where Gibbs was sitting alone at his desk catching up on some much needed sleep. He stood when he heard Ducky and Ziva approach. After Ducky assured Gibbs several times over that she didn't need a hospital, just some serious rest and time to heal, she was cleared to leave. Gibbs took her by the arm, careful not to apply too much pressure on her bruises, and helped her to his car.

They rode in the car in silence. Ziva was too exhausted to really care or bother to question where they were headed now. Besides, anywhere was better than where she had spent the last 4 months. When they pulled up in front of his house she felt a weight, she didn't even know had settled on her body, lift and she felt instantly lighter. Without even her even realizing it, a part of her had wanted to come here, had needed to come here and be close to him.

Gibbs helped her out of the car and into the house. He guided her up the stair and into his bathroom. He made several stops along the way to grab a clean towel and something of his for her to change into. Leaving her to undress and take a much-needed shower, he walked out of the bathroom and closed the door.

Several minutes later, after he had put clean sheets on his bed and pulled out a few extra blankets, just in case she might need them, he went to check on her. When he opened the door he found her sitting on the floor of the bathroom, still in all her clothes, water running in the shower, the bathroom drawers and cabinets opened, and his things strewn all over the place. She was sitting with her back against the wall, with tears running down her face, absently fiddling with his tube of toothpaste.

Gibbs walked in and squatted down in front of her. Slowly he reached out and removed the tube of toothpaste she was holding, replacing it with his hand.

"Hey," he said softly giving her hand a little shake to get her full attention.

"Talk to me Ziver. What is wrong," he probed gently.

"I couldn't get my shirt off. It hurts too much to pull it over my head" she said barely loud enough for him to hear.

"I tried to rip it off but I don't even have the strength to do that. I wanted out of these clothes so desperately and when I couldn't find any scissor...well this happened," she said pulling her hand free from his to gesture around the room, but never looking up to meet his gaze.

Gibbs had to hold in a slight chuckle, as he looked around his bathroom. Apparently in her desperate search for scissors, Ziva had gone to war with his bathroom and had won.

"Okay" Gibbs said simply, before leaning forward to kiss the top of her head as he stood up. She looked up at him for the first time since he had come back into the bathroom. Flashing Ziva his trademark half smile, he said, "Be right back".

He left the room only to return a few seconds later with a pair of scissors in hand. He helped her off the floor and handed her the scissors. He turned to make his way out of the bathroom when she stopped him. Without saying a word she handed him back the scissors, and turning her back to him, she moved her hair out of the way, giving him a clear path to cut.

Tears silently spill down her face as he slowly started cutting her shirt in half, revealing the dark purple bruises throughout her back, the deep gashes, and the scars of wounds that had since healed. Gibbs stopped half way down and inhaled trying to steady the shaking in his hands. When he reached the bottom and her full back came into view Gibbs couldn't help but take in all that she had endured.

Ziva watched him in the mirror, through tear filled eyes, as he put the scissors down on the counter and with tears in his own eyes, he slowly reached out and touched her back. His touch was warm and gentle. As light as a feather and Ziva was sure it was going to be her undoing. She was trying desperately to hold all her emotions together yet she seemed unable to turn away from him. Ziva closed her eyes as the tears continued to fall. He continued to run his fingers over every inch of her back, as if by his mere touch alone, he could erase everything that had been done to her.

Gibbs finally broke the silence. " Ziver, I-" He stopped unable to find the words to convey all that he was feeling. Ziva turned around to face him still clutching her shirt in front of her. With one hand she reached up and touched his face. She could feel the dampness of where his tears had been.

"Thank you Jethro," she said her voice full of emotion. Gibbs nodded slightly knowing there was nothing more that needed to be said. They both understood what they had just shared between them. He turned and made his way out of the room.

Ziva wasn't sure why she opened herself up to him like that. She stood there in the bathroom thinking about it for a while longer. She finally concluded that she needed him to see, to see what she knew she wouldn't have the strength to tell him with words. She also knew that a part of her died out there in the desert, and the rest of her that came back needed to know without a shadowed of a doubt, that she was still safe with him, both physically but even more so emotionally.

Several nights later Ziva awoke from a dream that had her trashing around violently in her bed. She sat up and looked around at her surroundings taking in the décor of Gibbs' guest room. Even though she keep telling herself she was safe, she just couldn't shake the feeling that this was a dream, that Saleem had probably caused her go unconscious again, and that any moment she would wake up and find herself in the cell. Tears spilled down her face.

Before she was able to register what she was doing, she found herself standing in the door of Gibbs' room. She was drawn to him in a way she had never experienced before. She was trying her best to not wake him but as she neared his bed he sat up.

"Ziva, you okay," he asked with sleep still laced in his voice.

"I am sorry Gibbs," she managed to choke out, tears streaming down her face. "I didn't mean to wake you. I just needed to see you, I just needed to know that-."

She hadn't been able to finish. The tears were flowing too freely for her to continue.

Before she new it Gibbs had somehow managed to pulled her onto the bed and into his arms. The safety of his embrace was like the first rays of sun after a storm. From that point on, night after night, she would seek him out, and night after he was there. His words and his embrace had become a life raft for her soul to cling to, as she did her best to fight off the evil and darkness that threatened to over take her.

After several months passed Ziva decided that soon it would be time for her to find her own place. She was almost healed 100% physically. The night terrors still consumed her sleep but since they weren't getting any worse, or any better, she'd figured it was time to leave Gibbs' house and take back her life. Besides, she wasn't sure how much longer she could continue to deny the feelings that had slowly been forming.

This was definitely the last thing she needed. He had come to mean so much to her and she knew that if she didn't reign in her feelings, and fast, she was going to lose him. She knew the feelings she had for him went way beyond anything she should allow her self to feel for him. He was slowing becoming the most important person in her life and, over the past few months, she was learning to trust him like she has trusted no other.

Night after night as he worked away on the boat she quietly worked on sorting through all that had happened to her and what she was going to do now. She silently feed off of his quite strength to deal with each and every horrible memory, as well as the fear and the anger that constantly seem to build up and want to explode out of her at a moment's notice. Gibbs always worked in silence, only occasionally breaking the quiet to ask if she wanted something to drink, as he headed up stair to the refrigerator.

Most nights she found she didn't want to talk, and he would let her sit there silently deep in thought, while he worked on his boat. But there had been a few nights when she had to just get it out of her system. On those nights he would sit patiently across from her on the saw horse and listen, as she vented and rambled on, not even sure if she was making any sense. Whether she was or not, he never said. He just sat there and let her ramble on until she had nothing left to say. Then he would pull her into his arms doing his best to assure her thing would get better.

Other nights, it was as if he just seemed to know what she needed, even before she did. He would silently walk over to her, take her face in his hands, capture her stare with his stunning blue eyes, and tell her just what she needed to hear.

The way he was with her when they were alone was a side of him she had never seen before, not even with Abby. It was similar to the way he was with Abby but at the same time very different. When they were alone in his house at night he seemed so relaxed and there was just this unspoken easiness to them. Sometimes the way he would look at her made her wonder if there were more to it. The way he held her and the way he looked at her, with tenderness normally reserved for a lover. But, every time those thoughts crept into her head, as quickly as possible, she would chase them way. She would tell herself she was seeing what she wanted to see, what she longed to see.

It was getting to the point that he was starting to consume her every thought. Well almost her every thought, at least all the ones that weren't occupied by the past. She decided that she needed to do her best to keep as much distance as she could from him and try to gain control of her feelings. She started to spend a lot of time in her room, or taking walks around the neighborhood trying to build up her strength, but no matter how much she tried to put some distance between them she always felt herself being drawn to him.

The search to find her a new place to live lasted a few weeks, before she settled on a medium sized apartment just on the other side of town. It wasn't a large apartment but its open floor plan made it feel larger than it really was.

The first few nights had been rough. The dreams came like normal, however it was the lack of Gibbs that was what really was bothering her. She was use to the dreams by now and waking up scared had become the norm for her. However, this emptiness that she felt in side, this deep longing for him to be next to her was a different monster all together.

The bed felt so cold and empty. Several times she found herself reaching for him before she realized he wasn't there. He had told her to call if she needed anything no matter the time. He made her promise that if she woke up because of a bad dream she would call him and he would either come right over, or he would stay on the phone with her until she fell asleep again.

However, the desires she had, had nothing to do with the dreams and she refused to allow herself to call him just call him because she missed him. So she prohibited herself from calling him. After a little over a month passed, she was just starting to become more comfortable with being along in her bed at night when, last night's dream had rocked her to her core, and drove her back into his arms and his bed.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Hey everyone. Hope you all had a great Easter. Here is the final chapter to my story. I debated continuing but I really feel this is a good stopping point. Thank you to all of you who have been following my story. I am humbled by all your kind remarks and words of encouragement. I hope you enjoy the final chapter.

Chapter 10

It had taken all of Ziva's will but she had managed to stay away from Gibbs' place, until last night. The longer she lay there in his arms, the more she silently cursed herself for giving in. Staying away would be twice as hard now. Gibbs started to stir and as he opened his eyes she gave him a half- hearted smile and without saying a word she got out of bed. She headed to the bathroom in the hall to freshen up, and to put a some literal distance between her and Gibbs as she give herself a few moments to get all her conflicting emotions in check.

Coming out of the bathroom a few minutes later the smell of fresh brewed coffee washed over her suggesting that Gibbs had beat her downstairs. She headed down stairs and found him standing in the kitchen. He handed her a cup as he took a sip from his. Ziva lean against the kitchen counter across from him taking a sip of coffee. After several moments of silence he finally spoke.

"Are you avoiding me Ziver?"

Ziva was temporally stunned by his question. Her mind raced to find an answer, any answer, to give him that would defuse the potential of a very dangerous conversation happening. But before she could respond he continued, "You haven't been over once since you moved out and even now your body language suggests you would rather be anywhere but here."

Ziva felt her muscles instantly tense at the realization that Gibbs was reading her like a book. She looked down at her cup not giving him any opportunity trap her in his gaze. This conversation was headed in the wrong direction and fast. She needed to find a way out and now.

"Obviously last night was proof that the dreams are still happening. Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"Gibbs, please I can't get into this now," Ziva replied sensing concern in his voice but not willing to indulge anything to him.

Gibbs sighed. He could feel frustration starting to build in him as his grip on his coffee cup tightened. He knew she was hurting and that she was slowing pulling away but he didn't understand why. His gut told him to keep pressing.

"Why have you closed yourself off from me? Did I do something that has made you second guess letting me help you?"

"No!" Ziva's voice sounded harsher and more irritated then she had intended. "You didn't do anything," she continued in a softer tone.

"Then what is it Ziver? I can see you are hurting and you need to talk about it. You use to feel comfortable talking to me. What has changed?"

Ziva felt her pulse start to quicken again as she could feel herself getting angrier. She was playing with fire, and she knew it. She needed to get her temper in check before she said something that she couldn't take back. Normally Ziva was always very in control of her emotions, but she knew too well that when it came to Leroy Jethro Gibbs all bets were off.

"Nothing has changed! Nothing is wrong!" she snapped at him.

"Come on Ziva don't insult me by lying to me!" Gibbs felt his frustration was starting to get the best of him but he pressed on, making an effort to remain calm. "You haven't been here in over a month. You show up last night and it takes you almost ten minutes to convince yourself to come down to the basement. I have a feeling it took you even longer to convince yourself to even come in the house in the first place."

He saw her flinch at that last statement confirming for him his gut was telling him the truth. Something was wrong. She had never been this guarded with him and he had never seen her hesitate this much before coming to him for help.

"I told you when you left you could come back anytime you needed. I know being here was helping you make some progress dealing with all that had happened. So why are you avoiding being here or is it just _me_ your avoiding?"

"JETHRO PLEASE…. I CANT DO THIS…PLEASE, I CANT TALK ABOUT THIS WITH YOU". Ziva felt her voice raise a few disables as she felt herself caving into the anger. She slammed her coffee cup down on the counter. Damn him…why did he have to push her on this. Why couldn't he just drop it?

Before he knew it his frustration boiled over and before he could control himself his angry words lashed out at her

"WHY NOT? DAMIT ZIVA I CANT HELP YOUR IF YOU DON'T LET ME."

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO HELP ME! YOUR HELP IS THE LAST THING I NEED" Ziva yelled back. She felt a pang of guilt hit her in the stomach as she saw the weight of her words quickly flash across his face. He tried to hide it behind a stone mask but she had seen it in his eyes. She had hurt him with her last statement. Then just as quickly the pain in his eyes was gone and anger flared in his blue eyes as he yelled back.

"WHY? WHAT THE HELL HAS CHANGED? WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME ANYMORE AND WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I AM THE LAST THING YOU NEED?"

And with the onslaught of his angry questions…that dam finally broke, she had no more fight left in her. She had been fighting to keep it all together for too long now and she just didn't have the strength to do it anymore, to go head to head with Leroy Jethro Gibbs. With that, all she had been feeling over the past several months came pouring out in one big rambled mess.

"BECAUSE, YOU ARE THE PROMBLE JETHRO! I can't do THIS anymore, I can't stay HERE anymore" she said as she wildly gestured with her hands around the kitchen. Her voice started to lower as she felt herself trying to fight off the tears.

"I can't be around you like this anymore. I can't take it. It is killing me, YOU are killing me! I can't stop thinking of you. I miss you ever second I am away from you. My body aches to be close to you, for you to hold me at night. The dreams are bad enough, but I have learned to accept them and live with them. But this longing and pain of not being with you is more then I can handle. I feel like I can't breathe when I am not with you."

Ziva sighed and took a step back to lean against the counter gathering support to finish what she had started. She looked into his beautiful blue eyes and continued, "I am completely and utterly in love with you Jethro."

She let out a small-unexpected laugh at the reality of finally admitting out loud, for the first time, what she had been secretly trying to deny for months.

"I am in love with a man who heart is so completely inaccessible and is totally off limits on so many levels…and yet as hard as I try not to be, there is nothing I can do about it. It just is."

Her words had temporarily stunned him but he recovered quickly, soaking in every last word that she was saying. And then she said it. The thing he had longed to hear and had hoped for, but had convinced himself would never be a reality. She was in love with him. At that instant he wanted to tell her how he felt, all that he had been feeling and thinking but the words were getting all jumbled up in his head. So he did the only thing he could think to do. He crossed the room in two strides and pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers, before Ziva could even say anything more.

He deepened his kiss as Ziva recover from the shock of his lips pressed against hers and started to return the kiss back to him. After a few seconds he broke the embrace. He continued to hold her in his arms but he leaned back just enough to look her in the eyes. "Jethro, I" He pressed his finger to her lips to silence her.

"Ziva, there is something I need to say. Well actually there is a lot I need to say but I am not very good at this sort of thing. So I am going to make it short and to the point. Your right, my heart has been inaccessible for a very long time. I have never meet anyone that has every caused me to want to move on from the hurt of losing my family. That is, until you. I don't know how it happened, hell I am not even sure I understand it all, but there is one thing I am absolutely sure about, and that is that I love you."

Ziva felt her breath temporally lodge in her lungs as his words flooded her heart.

"I am in love with you Ziver. I have been trying to fight it because you are right in saying that there are so many reasons why this shouldn't, wouldn't work, why it wouldn't even make sense to try, but for some reason it just does to me and I think it can work. I need you Ziver, as much and you seem to need me and I want to be with you if you will let me for as long as you will let me. I wan."

This time it was Ziva who placed her finger over his lips to cut him off.

"Shhh I have a feeling we will have plenty of time to talk about all this. Right now I just want you to do one thing for me."

Gibbs leaned back a little more as he nodded and gave her a quizzical look trying to figure out what she was going to ask of him. Then with a voice full of need and longing she put her hand behind his head and pulled him towards her and whispered "Kiss me Jethro" just as their lips meet for a second time.


End file.
